Good evening readers,

Saturday night and here I am in front of my computer watching boyfriend tag videos after videos on YouTube. This week, I attempted to leave my phone on the living room centre table for 5 days and yea, I did succeed but right now I'm guilty for turning it on and texting my boyfriend. Heh.

Last night I successfully finished my present for his birthday. His birthday is coming pretty soon and I want to give him a memorable gift. That night I slept at around 4AM but before I slept, I checked my Instagram and I saw a picture he posted. In the photo, he's next to a Thai girl who was sleeping. I think they were in the bus travelling. No lies, I did not like it one bit. What made it worst was the fact the girl is really pretty. Insecurity sunk right in the second I saw her face beside my man. Flawless, big eyes and the fact that she still looks adorable even when she's snoring off says a lot about how much prettier she can be when she's conscious.

Ah, am I simply over-reacting or am I at the right position to feel this way? First of all there are reasons why I should be upset. I spent the whole Friday afternoon, right after school planning and making his gift. Basically he was all I was thinking about the whole day! And at the end of the day, before going to bed I see a photo of him close to another girl. Yea, I think my reactions are reasonable and well explained.

But that night I came to a fine conclusion.

Jealousy comes together with insecurity and the loss of trust. I don't want to be the girlfriend who jails her man but I do want to be the best girl for him. And in order to do that, I should be changing myself and not him. Truth is, I want him to meet as much girls as possible and then come home realising how I am the one.

Because that's the case for me; the more guys I meet, the more I realise he's the one for me.

I know, I know. I'm sixteen and many people say this lovey-dovey crap won't last forever but he and I.. we're different laaa. With him I feel comfort, warmth, maturity and love. And fingers-crossed, time will be my friend and let time tell what's going to happen to us.

Now that I have everything typed down and out of my system I feel much much happier :) :)

Next post coming soon!




'Rebellion against parental control is part of growing up.'' What are your views?

Times have changed. The first commercially available mobile phone was launched  in year 1983, weighing about twenty-two pounds and lately most of us should have heard of the launch of the fifth generation of the iPhone created by the  Apple Company. Indeed time has allowed great changes. We can all be sure that how we will raise our future children will be different from how our parents were brought up by our grandparents. This is because of the changes in society trends. However there is one thing in common while every human being grows up and that is the need to figure out who they really are as a person and to learn how to live independently. Rebellious actions are simply anything our of the norm. There are many reasons why teenagers rebel against parental control but mainly it is a result of the pressure, curiosity and their great need to search for their own strengths. I agree that rebellion against parental control is part of growing up.

As teenagers advance academically in school they will realise the increase in stress that they experience as they do all in their ability to keep up and maintain their grades and meet deadlines after deadlines. Often they bring home this stressful feeling and express it to family members who are at home. This stress is liable for his or her attitude at the dining table like his refusal to eat his vegetables, to answer any questions and refusal to show any signs of optimism. It is scientifically proven that teenagers primarily melt down only in front of the people they trust most. Parents, despite the honest intention of ensuring that their child is carrying out activities that are academically beneficial, appear to the child as someone who is reminding them of the deadlines and expectations that they have to meet hence such parental control exacerbates the added pressure that he or she is already feeling. Teenagers rebel against parental control to vent this pressure. Expressing their feelings through actions appear as a better option compared to bottling up their feeling as this could cause anxiety and depression that will affect the child's mental health and development. School is something almost every child has to go through as he or she grows up hence stress is a natural feeling that most students experience. Therefore rebellion against parental control is part of growing up.

Defiance is a form of rebellion. Defiance is actually a symptom of something much deeper. The biggest developmental task of being a teenager is to figure out who they are as a person and live independently. The decisions teenagers make within this time frame heavily affect how he will behave and what he becomes in the future. When teenagers defy their parents instructions they find themselves stepping out of their comfort zones and soon independently devise how to adapt to unfamiliar surroundings. If parents constantly restrict their children to what they can and cannot do, their children will not learn independently and will lack self-control. The ability to adapt is very important. Globalisation has allowed people from different countries to work outside their country of origin and get to associate with other people, if these people were not capable of adapting to new environment they could lose their jobs and become unable to earn a living.  Hence if the child defies his parents' opinions, he will acquire beneficial knowledge as he realises his abilities and capabilities through experiences. Indeed to learn new things and explore beyond boundaries, often set by parental control and their heavy reliance on their parents, rebellion against parental control becomes a wise option. Here we can conclude that rebellion against parental control is a necessity to develop as a person.

Furthermore, going against their parents' authority is a form of curiosity of mankind, it is fair to say that teenagers are not an exception. At times we become in doubt of the beliefs that our parents have already cultivated in us. Naturally we would question why others in society believe differently. In many houses, smoking and swearing is prohibited this creates curiosity in a child's mind, tempting him to find out more. Going against the belief that smoking is harmful to your body and that swearing is a barbaric behaviour will expose the child to different beliefs, values and culture. This exposure becomes an opportunity of him to learn and realise the pros and cons in each belief, allowing him to make choices of his own. Possibly render him to deviate his negative perceptions into positive ones.  This is a situation where parental control is not beneficial to the teenagers, and rebellion against parental control is done for the teenagers' advantage.

In a nutshell, a teenager will go through a form of rebellion against their parents. And through rebel acts they will gain essential skills that will prepare the teenager when he moves on to work in society in the near future. The speed of development during this time frame needs to be put into consideration because the trials and tribulations they face emotionally affects their actions and attitudes. I agree that rebellion against parental control is part of growing up. How parents treat their teenage child plays a large and important role because their attention and treatment is essential to moulding a child's character.  Parents may have a difficult duty during the teenage year of their child but they need to give their child a path of less resistance to explore and grow, without giving up all parental controls. Teenagers should be allowed to make some mistake, but not condone their actions or let them make mistakes that will affect their future in a negative way.

































I cannot believe it. I studied. I seriously did. Three words to express how I feel, kill, me, now. I don't understand what I did wrong to get such lousy grades. It's so disappointing not just for me but for my teachers and parents. I'm sure my parents have seen how much I study and the time I put into my studies. Man, I don't get it. What is wrong with me and how I study? At the end of the day, grades are honestly what I want to define me as a student. I want to be known because of my grades and my academic performance. Well there is obviously no use crying over what's done. Back to square one but this time as I climb my way back up I want this blog to be a witness of my hard work and efforts. I am studying very very very very hard. I will deserve that A. I will. I will do whatever it takes to earn that grade. This time it's no longer just words of ambition, it will be reality.

Once again, I am blogging. I’m blogging because there’s that someone and there’s this something that had happened.

I think that’s pretty much the reason why people are inspired to write and share. Things happen.

Things happen - some were unexpected while some were things we have always been wishing for.

8:17 PM – urgh, someone called. Mummy’s yelling! Dinner is served.

8:33 PM – I’m back!

Alright, so where was I? Oh yeah! *SIGH* It’s been a really long time since I last blogged about things, blogged about life.

We did a ‘check-in’ in drama a week ago. To those who don’t know, a ‘Check-in’ is when members of a club would gather and just talk about how they’ve been before starting on the day’s agenda. When it was my turn to speak, I didn’t know what to say though I honestly thought I had my sentences well constructed in my head, ready to speak.

“How are you feeling?” Mrs G asked.

I stood there like I didn’t know what was going on, as though she wasn’t speaking English.

It took me at least three seconds to dig into my mental dictionary for the right vocabulary to describe exactly how I was feeling.

“I’m fine” , I looked at all my friends and continued , “I was fine .... and I will be fine.”

“Why past tense?”

I shrugged.

At that point of time things we really in a mess. I had homework piled up. Targets were not achieved. Projects, competitions, interviews, meetings, rehearsals, examinations – revisions to do, worries, family and last but absolutely not the least, teenage love.

A few days after that, I had a meeting with the School Leaders. I was nominated to take on one of the roles in the Student Council Board. I was delighted. I told them what role I really wanted to take but it turned out the school leaders gave it to someone else. When the results were I out, I was a little disappointed. In fact, if I use the word ‘little’ , it would be a lie.

It hurt to know that that something I really wanted to have was given to someone else. I started to question my capabilities, my knowledge, my skills and my character. Haha, I questioned pretty much everything about me. Why? Wasn’t I good enough?

It took a few hours for reality to really sink in. As a drama student I could hold any face I wished to have and hide the truth and thanks to that, I survived the day. I hope to survive the week.

There have been so many moments in my 14 years of existence on mother Earth when I had to face painful truths. This was one of them. But to be honest with you guys, I’m happy now. Not smiling from ear to ear but I do have a smile on my face. It may not be that broad, at least it’s honest and true. Faked nothing.

That’s what I learnt these few weeks. I learnt to be honest. NOT that I lie to people, it’s just that I lie to myself.

I set goals way beyond what I am currently capable of and that leads to so much disappointment when in the end I don’t achieve ‘em.

From now on, I’m not lowering the target line. I’m just gonna lower my expectations. I’m gonna work hard and make sure I deserve what I want but at the same time have an open heart that is ready to get hurt when things don’t turn out the way I want them to be.

Cheers to the new me!

The feeling when you give up. That great disappointment that you feel because the effort you gave to the task wasn’t good enough. Ha, I’m currently feeling all that right now. If I can’t pull myself back together, I’m afraid I’m going back for medication.

Medication isn’t something I’m embarrassed about. It is something I want to tell the whole world. I want the whole world to know that I’ve become like this because of how messed up it is!

WOW! DIS-AP-POINT-MENT-SSSSSSSSS.

Imagine yourself trying to swallow food.

At first, the word ‘disappointments’ appear easy to chew

But as you place it in your mouth; you suddenly realize that it’s hard to chew. (This is the part when you realize that disappointments are not easy to avoid. You realize the effects disappointments have on people. You realize how much effort you need in order to avoid the disappointments from happening.)

And when you got so overwhelmed with the consequences and effects of disappointments, you start chewing so hard to make sure that it will not hurt when you attempt to swallow the food.

But unfortunately, as you swallow what you have chewed, you realized that it wasn’t chewed as well as you thought it was chewed and it hurt a lot when you swallowed it.

MY POINT IS,

What’s done it done and no matter how much you prepare yourself so that you can avoid something bad from happening, you have no guarantee that bad thing won’t happen.

Sometimes no matter how much effort you put in, you’ll find yourself saying ‘my effort wasn’t enough’ in the end.

THIS happens to me every single time.

And although it hurts to just watch what could have been rightfully mine be given to someone else..

THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

But you know what? I am not giving up.

Well yeah, maybe I didn’t get what I was aiming for..

So from now on, I am FIGHTING HARD for what I want.

There will a chance for me to lose the fight..

But still in the end.. I want to be able to say

“I fought well. I did my best.”

SO THREE-EXPRESS-ONE, THE CHALLENGE IS ACCEPTED.

AND DEAR BOYS, THERE’S NO CHANCE YOU’LL BREAK MY HEART AGAIN. NO GUY DESERVES MY TEARS.

BOOKS BEFORE BOYS.

Labels: 3E1, boys, break, disappointments, expectations, heartbreak, love, school, stupid, tears

I went to Malaysia and

I think I’m moving =’[ .

I spent my weekend in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia where my Dad planned to meet his friend who’s helping him get a better job. According to Dad, he deserves more than what he’s currently getting so that’s why he quit his job. After writing the resignation letter and handing out his ‘Resume’, several companies have been calling to offer THREE TIMES as much as his current value. I WAS SURPRISED. Dad knew what he was worth and knew that he deserved more. ^_^

WORTH - The quality that renders something desirable, useful, or valuable.

Knowing what you deserve and what you’re worth are two different things that relate to each other.

Valentine’s Day is coming up! I don’t have a date. To be honest with everyone, I didn’t feel good at first when I realized I won’t be spending a day with someone special, I shouldn’t be expecting a love note or a card from anyone in particular and neither should I hope for a simple bar of chocolate from anyone.

I didn’t feel good until I realized my Birthday will be a few weeks after Valentine’s Day. A day especially for me and no one else. A day when I have the right to expect greetings, gifts and simple texts saying I lived another THREEHUNDREDSIXTYFIVE days! Even though I could expect gifts, I won’t be hoping for any.

After my trip to Cambodia, I learnt to appreciate the littlest things in life.

For instance, when I’m on the way to school,

I appreciate the fact that I have fully covered shoes,

I don’t have to walk for hours under the hot sun,

because I can take the air-conditioned MRT.

And as I walk to school, I carry a bag full of well printed books, several pens and pencils, a water bottle filled with drinkable water and the lists goes on..

Children are starving on the other side of the world.

Teenagers feel insecure.

Teenagers feel that they’re not good enough.

It’s scary to realize that there are millions of girls out there who think being skinny, having big boobs, large eyes, a pointy nose and a big bottom is the definition of pretty.

It’s scary to know that people on one side of the world afford to leave some food on their plate when the other side of the world has children DYING of hunger.

It’s scary to see children RUNNING to school without shoes to make sure they sit closest to the teacher because they want to learn,

while we see teenagers DRAGGING their feet to school and HATING homework.

It’s EVEN SCARIER to know the number of people who think that they’re not good enough, who aren’t satisfied with what they have!!!

[It’s getting late; I’m running out of words! My train of thought’s going bad.]

BUT MY POINT IS..

EVERY HUMAN BEING

SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT HE OR SHE HAS..

AND NOT BITTER

FOR WHAT HE OR SHE DOESN’T HAVE.

LOVE LIVING LIFE

AND BE HAPPY!

CHEERS TO DANIEL THE BESTEST TEXTMATE! ILY.

Labels: appreciate, happy, homework, life, love, worth

Good evening! J

Today I shall post about what I have been up to lately.

I have been studying and studying and studying and … studying.

HAHA. Yeap, that’s pretty much everything that has been going on.

I was streamed to Secondary Three-Express-One.

It’s no big deal.

HAHAHAHAHA! HELL YEAH IT’S A BIG DEAL!

When I was in Secondary Two, I looked up to my seniors who were in E1. I still do J.

It’s a big deal because the class is pretty much the most studious, competitive, hard working (emphasise on the word ‘class’ meaning I’m looking at most of the students in it), diligent, and every other character a teacher would love.

I think (so far lah), I’m not going to regret choosing 3E1.

But we’ll see. ^^

I’m taking NINE subjects :

English

Elementary Mathematics

Additional Mathematics

Pure Biology

Pure Physics

Pure Chemistry

Geography

Social Studies

French

I’m pretty confident I’ll get through this well with the help of my classmates, seniors, friends, Mum (she’s a Chemist, so she helps me with Chemistry), My Aunt (she’s a doctor, I bet she could help me in Biology) and my Dad (he’s my idol when it comes to maths! He’s a Civil Engineer). I’m not boasting about what I have. I am indirectly thanking people who, I know, will always be there for me NO MATTER WHAT ^^.. <3

Labels: 3E1

THE OTHER NIGHT and as he came towards me [more like passed me] I had the stupidest look on my face!

I think I looked like this:

And after walking pass me, I looked back and had THIS look on my face:

I know, I know. I know VERY WELL that I’m turning FIFTEEN ON

MARCH 21 [take note take note!] and I’m getting too old for crushes and I should be more focused on what I want to do in life rather than drooling over my fantasies of me and my prince charming.

BUT WHO CARES! COME’ON! Admiring somebody wont hurt.. right?

And according to my resources [it’s a better way to say ‘gossips’], he’s someone else’s. But that’s alright! I’m not disappointed [not at all!].

And I know it’s wrong to interrupt or destroy a relationship.

NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING OR BADLY I WANT HIM,

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I BELIEVE THAT I CAN BE BETTER FOR HIM,

Even if all my thoughts were right,

I have this thought that if he stops liking / being in a relationship with that lucky girl,

What makes me so sure that when he finds someone better than me,

he won’t leave? L

since he had the tendency to leave his current girl, it wont be impossible for him to do it to me too. L

I don’t want to be the reason for them to break up. I don’t want to hinder or stop anything.

I’m just gonna sit down and watch him

crush on girl

after girl

after girl. J

want to know why?

If I am meant for him, J it WILL happen. I shouldn’t go out of my way to break them up. In fact, I shouldn’t present myself as an option for that guy [if he’s in a relationship].

*sigh* I’m such a good good girl.

Or am I? *evil smile*

gerrahleigopamplona.blogspot.com

Labels: all I want for Christmas is you, angel, crush, evil smile, face, girls, good girl, stupid

Aaahh!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, ElisaJ

Thoughts going on in people’s mind “WHO?!”

Haha! It’s the name I gave my desktop! Because she cooperated with me and now my blog is all cleaned up again! So she shall be named! J

Ldid you know? I spent almost my whole night trying to find a better blogskin! But ended up losing all the links and codes -.- So last night, I basically wasted hours of my life doing nothing productive. L

Oh well, what’s done is done J!

I bet you like my season’s greetings! J aaand the song! Want to know why I chose this song? Stay tuned J!!

gerrahleigopamplona.blogspot.com

Labels: blogskin, nothing, productive, waste of time

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