HOLD ON.
-Jim Carrey-
-Friedrich Nietzsche-
Once again, I am blogging. I’m blogging because there’s that someone and there’s this something that had happened.
I think that’s pretty much the reason why people are inspired to write and share. Things happen.
Things happen - some were unexpected while some were things we have always been wishing for.
8:17 PM – urgh, someone called. Mummy’s yelling! Dinner is served.
8:33 PM – I’m back!
Alright, so where was I? Oh yeah! *SIGH* It’s been a really long time since I last blogged about things, blogged about life.
We did a ‘check-in’ in drama a week ago. To those who don’t know, a ‘Check-in’ is when members of a club would gather and just talk about how they’ve been before starting on the day’s agenda. When it was my turn to speak, I didn’t know what to say though I honestly thought I had my sentences well constructed in my head, ready to speak.
“How are you feeling?” Mrs G asked.
I stood there like I didn’t know what was going on, as though she wasn’t speaking English.
It took me at least three seconds to dig into my mental dictionary for the right vocabulary to describe exactly how I was feeling.
“I’m fine” , I looked at all my friends and continued , “I was fine .... and I will be fine.”
“Why past tense?”
I shrugged.
At that point of time things we really in a mess. I had homework piled up. Targets were not achieved. Projects, competitions, interviews, meetings, rehearsals, examinations – revisions to do, worries, family and last but absolutely not the least, teenage love.
A few days after that, I had a meeting with the School Leaders. I was nominated to take on one of the roles in the Student Council Board. I was delighted. I told them what role I really wanted to take but it turned out the school leaders gave it to someone else. When the results were I out, I was a little disappointed. In fact, if I use the word ‘little’ , it would be a lie.
It hurt to know that that something I really wanted to have was given to someone else. I started to question my capabilities, my knowledge, my skills and my character. Haha, I questioned pretty much everything about me. Why? Wasn’t I good enough?
It took a few hours for reality to really sink in. As a drama student I could hold any face I wished to have and hide the truth and thanks to that, I survived the day. I hope to survive the week.
There have been so many moments in my 14 years of existence on mother Earth when I had to face painful truths. This was one of them. But to be honest with you guys, I’m happy now. Not smiling from ear to ear but I do have a smile on my face. It may not be that broad, at least it’s honest and true. Faked nothing.
That’s what I learnt these few weeks. I learnt to be honest. NOT that I lie to people, it’s just that I lie to myself.
I set goals way beyond what I am currently capable of and that leads to so much disappointment when in the end I don’t achieve ‘em.
From now on, I’m not lowering the target line. I’m just gonna lower my expectations. I’m gonna work hard and make sure I deserve what I want but at the same time have an open heart that is ready to get hurt when things don’t turn out the way I want them to be.
Cheers to the new me!
for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.
-Mother Teresa-
Then he's finished.
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-Becuase hardly anyone finds blogging fun :(-
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For as you were when first your eye I eyed.
Such seems your beauty still.
-William Shakespeare-
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